To review or not to review, that is the question.

I had occasion recently to purchase a toilet chain.

Amazon describes it more correctly as a “Victorian traditional ceramic & chrome flush pull for high-level cistern.”

It arrived quickly and efficiently, I was well pleased and it was easy to install.

Amazon then emailed me and asked me to rate the chain and to write a review of the said chain.I rated it with 5 stars and penned the following review:”

“Great pull: Flushed with the success of my purchase. “

In addition to the chain pull I also needed a toi;et brush. I hesitated in ordering such a product from Amazon as the though of being invited to write a review of a toilet brush was disheartening.

But all other shops were closed and inevitably I ordered a toilet brush from Amazon. It arrived quickly and efficiently and I was well pleased. For the next day or two I avoided my email in box but it is impossible to escape the clutches of Amazon, and in due course they invited me to write a review of the toilet brush.

I have reviewed many things in my time. Books by important military historians; novels; theatre performances – Shakespeare, Becket, Wilde, Joyce, Burns; musicals and operas; cities, Rome Bologna, Venice, Florence, Singapore, Edinburgh, London, Harrogate; comedians, spoken word artists, a Korean durum beating ensemble, even Elvis Presley. Its all there on my blog ( https://pin.it/7KiVMr7 ). But never have I before reviewed a toilet brush.

I approached it as a challenge. Orwell, who scratched a living from writing reviews was of the view that you must put your intellectual heart and soul into such reviews or not do them at all.

So I composed a poem in praise of the toilet brush and submitted it to Amazon.

To a Toilet Brush.

For constipation to diarrhea

It stands on guard, close and near

Defending bowels, beside the bowl

Beneath the perforated toilet roll

Stylish in its grey and white

It’s used to wipe away the shite

Or to drown those bobbing turds

That won’t submerge

From frequent flushes

Fear not!

This humble inexpensive brush

Will save your blushes.

 

My wife has suggested that for the duration of the lockdown I should probably not order anything else from Amazon!