The Fascists are coming…

The fascists are coming.  New fascists, authoritarian, intolerant, ruthless.

They will not be wearing brown shirts, nor, for Ireland, blue shirts*.  They will be clad in shirts of hemp, or perhaps suits of hemp; possibly green hemp, or maybe blue; not jackboots but comfortable footwear, eco-friendly, non-leather, organic. 

They will be of the state, by the state, for the many.  They will be Climate Control Officers, armed with such overriding draconian authority and powers such as would cause Stalin to raise a concerned eyebrow. 

There will be Regional Climate Control Officers; calling them Gauleiters might be unfair (to gauleiters)  but they will have a small army of  County Climate Control Officers, City and Town Climate Control officers with appropriate administrative offices and power, such terrifying power.

They will have authority to enter all buildings, without warrant, commercial or residential to carry out climate performance and compliance inspections.  Both on Notice and without notice.   You will need to have composite toilet’s rather than water closet flush systems, , metered water supply, regulation insulation. Soar powered heating although you will be permitted and encouraged as an alternative, to burn your own composted dung briquettes, (the wonders of new climate control technology).   They will have authority to seize nylon sheets; and shirts, any kind of plastic; all leather/fur coats;  unnecessary electrical appliances;  all goods made in China (the universal No: 1  international  Climate enemy), to restrict households to one computer monitor per residence,  to  check all paper products are made from recyclable sustainable sources; to audit bins.; view air travel ration books, access computer hard drives to prevent the illegal sharing of meat related product images, and to monitor shower use, once per person per week per residence.

Any inspection indicating poor performance or compliance could lead to the offender being sent for a defined period, to one of the re-education camps on the Curragh, run by members of the dreaded Defence forces, now re-named the Climate Defence Force.    Repeated offenders will be required to wear and be tagged with an orange hemp Torc and to live in designated Climate Control villages in the Gaeltacht, without access to the internet.

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While individual meat consumption will not be totally outlawed it will be actively discouraged. County climate control officers will be able to authorise official pickets of premises selling meat related products.    Initially meat processing factories, supermarkets and butchers’ shops will be targeted but inevitably, official pickets of meat serving restaurants will also be authorised.  Regional Climate Control officers will have the power to close such establishments and seize assets through their Climate Control Assets Board.

Trading in, or use of, any kind of fossil fuel will become a capital offence although commercial premises will be able to sell their composted dung briquettes to the public at large . A super premium tax will apply to dung briquettes originating from the Oireachtas

The appointment of Climate Control officers will be reserved to the political parties Joint Oireachtas Central Committee for Climate control, also known as the Greta Thurnberg committee, so named after the Nobel prize winning President (for life) of the reconstructed European Union, the font of all Climate regulation and law. 

The ideal Candidates will be a former traffic wardens into piercing and tattoos with a verified history of climate activism . Candidates without a history of Climate activism need not apply.

The new fascists are coming.

*The most serious fascist movement to emerge in Ireland were the Blueshirts during the 1930s. At their height, the Blueshirts had as many as 48,000 members, organised across the Free State and were led by a man who Michael Collins had identified as his successor, who had been a guerrilla leader in the IRA during the war of Independence, a General in the new National Army and the head of the Irish Police force, the Garda Siocana.